08.21.08
I Am Not the Chocolate Skin Delegate
There is nothing that simultaneously irritates and humors me more than being the go to guy when someone of another race has a question about black people. “Hey Slim, you’ll probably know this song.” or “Hey Slim, what do you think of Barack?” What do I think of Barack, OR what do I as a black person think of Barack? There are other questions that have been cautiously worded that I can decipher through to see exactly what the real question is. Depending on my answer, there will be an attempt to bond or an attempt to show me where we share similar views. God forbid someone is ignorant enough to drop the infamous “you people” in a heated discussion. That’s grounds for me to act exactly how I am expected, angry and hostile.
Now I’m not saying people shouldn’t ask me questions, but it’s the approach and where it’s done. Putting me on the spot in a group where I am the lone chocolate (Some would argue caramel) delegate is never a good idea. Add to this the fact we are probably not good friends…if friends at all, and you’ve set yourself up to get cursed out feel the non-violent wrath of the ABG. If we are having a cultural discussion to begin, you’ll know if I want to participate. The life that I live is not indicative of the overall plight of Black America. Yes, I saw the CNN special a few weeks ago, but please don’t mistake this as an opportunity to say “Gee Slim. I didn’t know that it was like that for your people.”
Unless you want to see how truly angry I am. The End.
08.07.08
Weak Men Beg. Real Men Rob.
The great Aaron Neville once crooned, “Everybody plays the fool, sometimes. There’s no exception to the rule…” And while that song may have been talking about relationships, debauchery and trust gone, it rings true in other places as well. Business, friendships, family… I could go on and on if I could think of other things to write. But this past weekend it wasn’t any of those situations, it was a common pauper. A grizzled, sunken eyed homeless dude who I caught staring longingly through a window at the food in the local bodega. To make matters worse, he was in a wheelchair and unable to actually get into the store himself. Shit, he might as well have been an African kid with a potbelly, tattered clothes and glassy eyes. I felt for dude.
Now, even though I have a tendency to spit hot fire like Dylan and can at times be more arrogant than the Louis Vuitton Don himself, your boy was raised with some ethics. I felt bad strolling in there to get some milk for a protein shake while he glanced on sadly. I may not be an avid churchgoer, or a churchgoer at all, but I remember the lessons of the Good Book. I know not to pass a needy man by. So after I made my purchase, I walked out of the bodega and asked the man if he wanted something. He immediately requested a 99 cent bag of potato chips. I was willing to make the dollar donation, so I obliged and grabbed the chips off the rack. In a brief moment of concern I said to myself; it’s hot outside and he’s sweating like a girl on ecstasy. Let me get him something to drink to go with these chips. So as I motioned over to the cooler to grab a beverage for the man, I looked over my shoulder only to see him sneakily grinning. Hard.
In disgust, I closed the fridge door quickly and his smile vanished. I briskly walked to the register, dropped a dollar on the counter and got the chips for the guy. Why? One, because I gave him my word and I don’t go back on that. Two, because the man that tries to play me always gets his. And as he snacked on the salty ass potato chips on that blazing summer day without an accompanying refreshment, I was content knowing that he was feeling as dried up as Brittney Spears’s career.
A close friend of mine once told me, that he has no respect for men who beg. That is the opposite of what a man is. He would have more respect for a man who tried to rob him because he was actively trying to keep his head above water. While I understand him, I’ve always been taught to help the needy. So I ask y’all, should I step over the next dude I see lying in the street or keep up my habits with the hope that one day I’ll actually help someone who needs it?
Seattle
07.12.08
Women Chasing Men Part II
So I said I’d be back for part 2. I was talking to a friend of mine and figured I’d deviate from the original topic a bit…or maybe it isn’t such a deviation. Toward the end of my last post, I was addressing the issue of those women/girls with needs who approach dudes in the club or another social setting looking for that action, get it, then end up surprised a few days later when their text messages don’t get returned. The same goes for phone calls, but those are becoming obsolete nowadays unless the other party carries some type of significant meaning. I’m going to explain something about men that doesn’t help you achieve your goal of a relationship…
Starting off with a fastball down the middle of the plate and allowing dude to hit a home run in the first inning doesn’t ensure that you will get a long term contract on his active roster. Though if you do show promise at the tryout, you may be eligible for a contract extension for at least a few more rendezvous events. Most of us men (Not all. There are upstanding individuals like Slim Jackson, Seattle Washington, and Ironman) are programmed to conquer, add a notch to the belt, then keep it moving. If you are under the assumption that men love the chase, then how could you expect such a strategy to work? What would’ve happened if Elmer Fudd shot down Bugs Bunny in the first cartoon? The same applies today, though a hell of a lot less morbid. You can’t flip to the last page of a book and work your way back. I mean, Karrine Steffans (Superhead/Video Vixen) has had some pretty significant relationships. But a search through videos in my email will quickly show me why she’ll be unable to keep a man for the rest of her life.
It is OK for women to approach men. That is becoming the wave of the future. As my blog advocate Ironman said, “Chivalry is dead. Feminism killed it.” While every normal man with at least minimal confidence would love to have a strong and independent woman, there comes a point where that independent attitude becomes a turn off. We do have egos that need to be maintained, regardless of how much time has elapsed before dude says ‘Oops, I’m sorry. Give me a bit and I’ll be back in the mix.” or how hurt he feels after a celebrity/another male brings a twinkle to your eye that he has yet to create. If you’re feelin’ a dude, approach him. Just be clear on your intentions and cautious of how you present yourself. Many a determination can be made in the first couple minutes of a conversation. Whether you are looking for a relationship or looking for a one night extravaganza, make your intentions clear. Even if you don’t get the reaction you wanted, you may get the respect you deserve…
06.09.08
I Believe in Wal-Mart. That Doesn’t Make Me a Bad Person.
It’s Monday morning. The day is off to a questionable start. The subway train pulled up and I thought I positioned myself well to be in front of a door as soon as it stopped so that I could get a seat. I accomplished the first part, but it just so happens the door I was in front of was for the one car that was out of service. I ended up quick stepping to the next car, and of course my efforts were futile. So I’m standing and typing with one hand, occasionally two when the train comes to a stop. And of course someone just let loose the most repugnant of smells, which has further worsened my morning.
Anyways, I decided to go grocery and toilet paper shopping this past weekend. Worst thing is realizing you are out of TP at a crucial time. What’s worse is to not have TP and not have food. So in an effort to be proactive, I picked up enough TP product to last 6-8 months (hopefully). The purchase was made at Wal-Mart, and as I wandered the aisles I noticed the pricing in their groceries section. The food prices were cheaper than my local supermarket’s! (pseudo-enthusiasm) Some of the stuff was even cheaper than the “on sale” items at the wonderful Shaws Supermarket. To those who are against Wal-Mart or protest their practices, this blog entry isn’t for you. Then again, if you made it this far you might as well stay around til the end.
My point is that going forward I will be purchasing all non-perishable food items from Wal-Mart, then purchase all meats, fruits, and veggies from the local supermarket. I knocked off about 2 weeks of grocery shopping for under 100 bux. I’d suggest giving this a try if possible. A lot of people seem to be strapped for cash nowadays, myself included. I happened to be looking at my bank statements and felt my smile turn upside down:
:o) —-> :o(
If you want to continue to be bougie and shop at Whole Foods, don’t complain about rising prices, because I tried to help you out. I really did. And my train is delayed in the tunnel, so I don’t feel like typing anymore. Very annoyed right now. Can’t you tell?
