07.27.08
My Friends Are Blocking Me on Facebook!
Posted in General Rambles tagged children, college life, comedy, facebook, psychology, relationships, social network, sociology at 11:54 am by slimjackson
I was talking to one of my friends from college this morning about updates in the lives of people we went to school with. Some things were funny, some things were sad. Some people lost respect for themselves, and some got into serious relationships with people that no one respected. A lot can change from the time one graduates from college until the time the person has been in the working world for a couple years. I happened to be looking through some of my Facebook friends as my buddy was telling me about particular individuals and what was going on in their lives. Unfortunately for me, I tried to go to some of their pages and realized I had been de-friended or blocked. I was confused. Not angry, just confused. We had been FB friends before. What happened? Why am I no longer cool enough to be down? Had I offended them with one of my status messages? Had I wrote a blog entry that struck too close to home? Did I forget to send them a Happy Birthday message when Facebook said it was their special day? I suppose unless I send a message begging to be let back into their exclusive network, I will never know. However, I do have another theory. One that will probably cause other people to follow the lead and de-friend me…or subscribe to my blog.
Sudden Epiphanies
I’ve never de-friended anybody on Facebook; well, at least not while I was sober. But based on what I have heard from others, people have sudden epiphanies. Thoughts will suddenly cross their minds and they will say something like “You know what. I never really liked him/her. I’m going to de-friend them on FB as soon as I get to a computer.” Or, someone will say something like “You know what. I have too many friends and I don’t even talk to half these people. I’m doing some spring cleaning on my network.”
OK great. You’re a serial de-friender. You’ve cleaned up your FB network. Now it’s not diluted. It’s as potent as it has ever been. You are now ready to put that new and improved network to use for what it was intended! You’re going to start moving on up in the world…or not. Chances are your life will plug along the same way it had been. Deleting friends on FB does not delete the burden from your shoulders. It’s still there. Ya feel it? Yep, that’s the burden. So why do it? Better yet, how often…
Temporary Personal Satisfaction
It sure does feel liberating doesn’t it? To click that “x” or hit delete and then confirm? That’s living life on the edge. Sometimes the simplest things bring people the greatest personal satisfaction, even if it is temporary. It’s a funny image in my mind. The thought of someone sitting at their computer for an hour in the dark, with monitor glowing, scanning their network aggressively looking for people to de-friend. For the majority of us, this probably doesn’t happen. I’d hope people had something better to do with their time. Cleaning up your pictures so you don’t get fired from your job is one thing. That can actually lift a burden off your shoulders. Serial de-friending makes you feel good for a little while, then it’s back to regular life. Interestingly enough, serial de-friending sounds like a drug. What a surprise.
I’m not saying people should never de-friend anybody. Sometimes a relationship goes more sour than those patch kids. Sometimes friends have irreconcilable differences. Sometimes people just do things that really piss you off. But hey, if it makes you feel good, then power to you. Just don’t be too surprised when a few hours later you think to yourself “Was that really necessary?”.
(And this just goes to show how superficial our college relationships are.)
Nyela said,
July 28, 2008 at 6:54 am
What a trivial way it is to express one’s anger/resentment/frustration/immaturity toward someone by de-friending them on facebook. lol. I, too, find it hilarious when I’m de-friended (not that it happens often).
You know what, though, I do know an alternative–somewhat valid–reason for de-friending folk. I had a friend who was trying to get over a break up but kept finding him/herself navigating back to the ex’s page. This was particularly hard for my friend since every new update of the ex took my friend on a trip down a path of what-if’s and misery. The more my friend saw the ex’s page, the more the realities of their break up was thrown in his/her face, and the more it hurt. S/he found it necessary to de-friend the ex, not out of spite (they ended on good terms), but in his/her most genuine effort to get over the ex so they could be friends again.
While it’s true that the typical de-friender’s often include the insecure/angry/bored/spring-cleaning/sudden epiphany -type folk…there is a legitimate pool of people (however small) who mean well.
pocahantas said,
July 28, 2008 at 11:25 am
i really don’t see the big deal in de-friending another person. facebook is a public forum, and most people go to look at people’s pages because they are simply nosy. reading what you’ve said, you heard such and such about a person and went to investigate. now, there’s nothing wrong with that, but i know i have my profile on certain settings so that only my friends can see my profile. so if i decide to de-friend a person, its usually to keep that privacy intact. if people de-friend me, i really don’t notice anyway…and if it has ever happened, at the end of the day, its not a big deal because the person i’m sure the person was quite insignificant in the grand scheme of things. whether people are insecure/bored/sad, it should’nt make a difference. no one cares/will remember the next day.
slimjackson said,
July 28, 2008 at 2:12 pm
There’s no such thing as privacy on the internet. Lets take Ms. New Jersey 2007, government name Amy Palumbo. When all those pictures leaked and she almost lost her crown, she claimed they were supposed to be private on Facebook. Deleting someone doesn’t protect your privacy. People don’t need to be in your network to find out about you if they really want to. If anything it presents a false sense of security unless you change your settings all together, because chances are the person you deleted is prolly FB friends with at least 5-10 other people you are still friends with who you don’t speak to regularly who you kept as friends. So if you delete someone because you think it’s enhancing your privacy, then you are getting a temporary satisfaction…which was exactly the point I was making to begin with. And your right, people don’t care the next day. That’s the whole point of temporary satisfaction.
pocahantas said,
July 28, 2008 at 2:39 pm
temporary satisfaction or not…if one is going to resort to the 5-10 friends that the person is mutually friends with to find stuff out, then that person has issues. no one’s life is THAT interesting, unless you’re remotely obsessed with the person. yea you say its funny when a person de-friends you, but to point it out and make an issue of how silly is just shows that you care. just a little bit.
slimjackson said,
July 28, 2008 at 4:16 pm
Alright Defender of the De-Frienders…you can take off the Facebook colored super hero uniform with a gigantic letter D on it and calm down. You should vote in the poll above, because it sounds like you are one of the people that does it regularly. Take a stand for those who you defend and cast your vote for the De-Friender Party. I have no problem with you voicing an opinion, but you’re tempting me to call upon my wit. I’d hate to lose a reader.
You cared enough to click the link to this entry and write 2 comments, so this is clearly a subject that lights a little fire for you. How bout we just call it even and move on? Thanks for visiting the Slim Jackson Blog!
Tommy said,
July 30, 2008 at 11:30 am
Bring out the wit!
Vanessa said,
July 30, 2008 at 10:27 pm
lol @ discussion above…
i also find it funny when people randomly de-friend me on facebook… but i guess i’ll have to agree with Pocahontas when he/she says that it doesn’t matter… those folks prob don’t matter in the grand scheme of things.
i also have to agree with nyela that there are some legitimate reasons why you de-friend someone, including those facebook stalkers!
i just think it’s sad that our relationships are governed by all the virtual mediums (text msging, facebook particularly). i wish people would have the guts to say what’s really on their minds, and to your face…
slimjackson said,
July 30, 2008 at 10:33 pm
Guts to say what’s on their minds? Courage? I’d say guts and courage are in the same box as chivalry…and we know where that went.lol.
lucebella said,
August 10, 2008 at 8:10 pm
I’ve only defriended someone once and it was a guy who I met at a bar one night…he asked for my contact info (presumably) so we could make plans to hang out at a later date. Well the next day he friended me on facebook, but after 2 weeks of very little movement in the realm of actually getting together I decided to let him know I was taking him off my friend list. For him I was just another notch on his facebook friend rolodex. i don’t roll that way…if we’re not going to have a friendship in “real” life, there’s no point in you being on my friend list.
slimjackson said,
August 10, 2008 at 8:26 pm
See, you probably have a lower friend count and know everybody to some degree. If you take your friend network that seriously and with that consistency, then power to the move to defriend the dude. I had a good laugh when you said a “notch on his facebook friend rolodex “. I had to read it a few times to make sure you didn’t say something else.lol
serendipity said,
August 29, 2008 at 12:38 pm
When I log onto Facebook, I laugh sometimes because there are people called my friends who I simply don’t communicate with; or did initially and haven’t heard from since. These tend to be the people with 500 friends – and no one knows 500 people that they would communicate with on a daily basis; or even monthly? I’ve only de-friended someone once after several incidents that just really boiled over into “I don’t want you ANYWHERE in my life”. There is the issue of privacy, but there is a ‘Limited Profile’ group; and I suspect that some of those people with whom I was initially communicating with have added me to that group.
Then there is that thing where your existing ‘friends’ recommend another friend. And well, you’re only this person’s friend through Facebook, or some vague high school or college connection! However, there are some people who I met through these networks who have become very important to me. People I found through ‘friends’.
Another issue is why be on Facebook anyway? Well, for me it’s to keep in touch with people I genuinely like and who I feel genuinely like me. I have been moving around a lot in the fast few years and this is what really interests me- after adding all of those other ‘friends’.
In the end though, unless it’s a privacy issue then who cares: there are a decent number of people on my friends list, so I just made smaller lists and just concentrate on a few friends in each of those. If anything, it makes managing all these people – including people that you don’t talk to much , but want to still stay in contact with- a lot easier. And at some point I believe that we all become a bit pickier.
…and yeah, I do have a lot of free time, and I have spent some of it thinking about this issue. Happy to have some company!
slimjackson said,
August 29, 2008 at 6:15 pm
Somebody had a bit of pent up Facebook steam to blow off.lol. (pause)
Jolie Fatale said,
January 14, 2009 at 4:47 pm
I am months late.. but I was browsing and decided to comment.
i dont delete people off of facebook. I have one person blocked and thats cause he pissed me off and I knew how much it would bother him not to keep up with my life via facebook as I update my pictures after every weekend.
i have recently found out that I have been deleted though BUT it was by a married friend who told me he still loved me via facebook chat and I’m thinkin his wife found out.. lol
cheryl said,
April 7, 2009 at 10:31 am
i found my son dad on facebook and sent him a message, then the next time i look he deleted him self of face book, i think its very sad that a child is out here and the dad does not want no contact with him at all. all i was trying to do was make contact for my son and thats what we got.
Debra said,
July 9, 2009 at 2:58 pm
cheryl – he may have just blocked you & not actually deleted himself off. If he blocked you, then you won’t be able to see him on fb anymore. That is very sad, though. You can file for child support – the state will find a way to make contact with him. :-/