Last night could have been a rap video, a real gutter and grimey rap video filmed in the streets of Boston. I’ve never really walked downtown (Or in this case Chinatown) late at night. After hopping a couple of bars and heading to the Roxy for Latin Night, where I made absolutely no attempt to get my salsa or merengue on, me and a few of the fellas ventured into the streets for a visit to a chinese food spot that served unpleasantly cold boneless spareribs and semi salty chicken wings. After stuffing ourselves, we took to the streets for the adventure back to the car. This was an adventure that suburban Slim Jackson had not expected to take.

Within a couple hundred feet of us, I noticed something scurrying under a park bench. As we got closer and the tail got larger, it became apparent that it was a Roger Clemens/Barry Bonds-sized rat nibbling away at what appeared to be the remnants of a cheeseburger. I’ve seen rats before, but never one that had bicep muscles and took an interest in keeping up its protein intake. We kept trekking and I thought that would be the end of it. I was weirded out, but became even more weirded out when I took a step over a sewage grate/air vent/thing that women in heels can’t walk over or they will bust their ass. I looked down and noticed enormous cockroaches coming up out of the ground into the night similar to a Sci Fi channel horror movie. I high-stepped like I was running into the end zone for a touch down and immediately began shaking off my clothes. I knew there were no roaches crawling on me, but I was absolutely disgusted/horrified/appalled. Had I stepped on one of those behemoths, I would have been traumatized. I’d be hearing that distinct crunch for days. *shiver shiver shutter shutter*

The excitement didn’t stop there. We walked a bit more and I noticed a man posting up/standing somewhat suspiciously and a woman huddled in a corner of a storefront behind him. I looked closely and realized she was smoking crack. I was shocked. The street urchins were out. I had never seen a person smoking crack before. It was like I was at the zoo or some urban street exhibition. I still see the image of her huddled in the corner with that plastic pipe in her hand. But what was the grand finale of the night as we finished our tour? What hadn’t we seen so far in our trip back to the car? The answer to this was on the corner in a short tight dress with a cigarette in her hand. The red light specialist was workin’ the block, looking for that gwap.

I don’t know what else I could have seen that night, at least that wasn’t of a violent nature. I’ve seen some of the great things about Boston and the city during the day and when the nightlife is buzzing. But this…this was an eye-opener. After 330am, it transforms into something ugly that I don’t want to see again. The late night streets really do have a life of their own.