There comes a point in every black man’s life where he needs to go to court, whether it be for his own legal affairs (or lack thereof) or to support somebody else who is involved in some type of legal proceeding. Ok, so maybe not every black man. That’s a bit dramatic, but I got you to read thus far right? Right…

Today was my day. It wouldn’t be the first time I’ve been in court, and it wouldn’t be the first time I’ve had a case dismissed. I guess I just enhanced my street credibility. Someone pass me a Mic and and a blunt. Ya boy beats charges! I’m your next favorite rapper… or not. Run a background check on me and you’ll find nothing. I know someone out there will be curious enough to try. But seriously, run a background check on Slim Jackson and you’ll find nothing. I guarantee it.

The thing that always gets me about court is the type of people that surround me. I have this thought of “why am I here for such trivial matters?”, when I’m listening to people being charged with all sorts of crimes that require someone to really break the law. Today I heard the arraignment of a woman who beat up the elderly, and a young Cape Verdian fellow that sped away from cops because of existing warrants. I also heard the arraignment of someone involved in a hit and run. Why was I there? Oh yeah, I forgot to renew my driver’s registration a few months ago, and I hadn’t switched over my driver’s license to the state I live in. Real street credibility intensive offenses. I guess me and DMX have at least one thing in common.

Shockingly, I was the only person with the decency to wear a suit. Well, me and an articulate black woman with the same “offenses”. As we waited in the hall, we were both asked “are you my lawyer” by individuals who actually committed crimes. Even a couple of the court officials were surprised when they saw I didn’t have my legal badge and that I was indeed amongst the many with infractions. All I could do was smile and hope they passed the word to the Judge so that she wouldn’t give me a hard time. She didn’t. Case dismissed, though my insurance will probably go up at the time I renew…further complicating my financials. Arg.

And as I arrive at work, I’m anticipating the “how was your morning *insert real name*?” by the inquisitive co-workers. Perhaps I will make them feel awkward and say something like “It was great. Just had to handle some black man business.” How can someone respond to that without walking on eggshells?

I bet they won’t ask any questions after that.