07.13.08
The Irony of Manliness, by Seattle Washington
What is the essence of a true man? Well, it may all go back to the most overused term for an attractive man – “the strong, silent type”. And since most parents want to bring up their son to be one that women will want, we’re raised to keep the emotions in and express nothing. Maybe another cliché term will solidify the point for you – “man up”. That’s definitely something I would’ve been told 20 years ago if I were to write this blog entry. It would’ve been considered male blasphemy. And to some extent I still am breaking a man law. But while Slim Jackson, myself and many other heterosexual male bloggers/writers are anomalies; we still carry the same upbringing as other males. Not to mention the same role models. We use those guys as paradigms for our lives, resulting in another generation of dudes that keep things like health problems, feelings and most of all emotional pain to themselves.
Truth be told, I don’t have any problems with it though. The strong, silent type gets the girl. Couple that with the gift of gab or better yet some good genes (as my man Slim has said) and you’re a regular James Bond. But like James, your dear Mr. Washington is realizing that he is much better at getting the girls than keeping them. Why you may ask? Well because while being the strong silent type only gets you the girl, or woman for that matter. After you’re finally in a relationship, the mystery man stuff doesn’t work. The sex appeal of a man who’s stoic, yet witty and good at intellectual conversation falls aside to demands like revealing your feelings and expressing what you’re thinking. Those are difficult topics, for any man. Even guys like me who are blessed with the gift, and curse, of gab.
Why curse? Well because if I’m a writer with the gift of gab then it must be easy for me to get in touch with my feelings and whisper them ever so gently to my woman’s ears as we lay in bed together. Contrary to popular belief, it isn’t. So in essence it’s a catch 22. Being one way to get the girl we want and then flipping the script to keep you. Imagine, for sheer hilarity, that you knew a guy who divulged his feelings, deep emotions and showered women with the thoughts from his beautiful mind. Sounds promising, right? Well, I’ve seen that guy, and I’ve seen women clown him for being too open. They either run for the hills or show their appreciation by getting banged out by some dude who barely grunts to her let alone expresses his thoughts. Trust me, despite my eloquence I used to be the grunting dude.
So with all of that in mind, what’s Seattle to do? At the end of the day I’m still a dude trained to be strong and silent. And ladies, I’ll tell you it’s hard to reprogram that after so many years. You may understand. You’re allowed to express your emotions freely. And I doubt you like it much when we say, “stop being so emotional”. Honestly, it’s your right and as I get older I just expect it and accept it. You could say that it just comes with the territory when you want to be with women. And I appreciate it, somewhat, because that’s what makes you what you are and in essence a true woman. I’m just asking that you give us the same respect. But, that’s another topic and another entry…
Who in the hell is Seattle Washington?
Seattle Washington is a young Chocolate brother in a Milky world, fighting his way to the top. He plays the game like Jordan and Pippen in their primes and only bags the finest dimes. Keep a look out for future entries from Mr. Washington.
Vanessa said,
July 13, 2008 at 7:05 pm
i appreciate you sharing this post Seattle, whoever you are!
however, the first thing that came to mind was, why are there extremes when it comes to men and their emotions? meaning, why does it have to be, the dude either doesn’t say anything or he says too much? is there a such thing as a healthy medium?
this is another thing that i struggle with when i get involved with guys i actually want. even though i am female loaded with tons of estrogen, i find it hard to express my own emotions. however, i do make an effort, even if it’s just a little bit. yet, that effort is often times not reciprocated, or is so indirect, i’m left with more questions!
so yeah, where’s the happy medium?? how can dudes get there comfortably? is there something a woman needs to do to encourage that behavior?
sowhatiff said,
July 15, 2008 at 9:45 pm
Hey there Seattle,
I am intrigued by your post. It’s true; women are encouraged to be all mushy and such. Even still, it often takes combination of things to be in order for many women to open up and be expressive with their emotions. However, while women are often able to develop a level of trust that allows us to get closer to man as time marches on, men keep that wall up for a long time, often because of societal norms, and possibly, the fear of what it means to be so open and “in touch” with one’s emotions. Unfortunately, society’s mixed messages about gender roles leave both men and women wanting more…
seattlewashington said,
July 16, 2008 at 8:33 pm
wow. I’m taken back by the response. honestly didn’t think I’d get any, so thanks for taking the time to read the post and write your own thoughts down.
vanessa,
you’re right. life & relationships are all about moderation. unfortunately it’s often tough to hit that sweet spot (no innuendo intended). how can you get us there? the same way you ladies preferred to be treated – without hostility, with questions and, of course, with patience.
sowhatiff,
I feel you, society’s roles for us often leave our partners confused and conflicted. I do want more, and sometimes less. Like less emotional banter and more comfortable silence. I kid! Sort of…
Once again, thanks for reading. Hopefully I’ll get to feature more often. Slim, I really like these women!
Men Ain’t Worth a Damn. Right? « Three Ways to Take It said,
August 14, 2008 at 10:02 am
[...] 14, 2008 · No Comments After reading a few posts by fellow bloggers (Slim Jackson and his pal Seattle), and participating in conversations with friends about men and relationships and such, I felt [...]