There’s nothing wrong with a litttle smoochy smooch. There’s nothing wrong with holding hands. It’s OK to spoon on the couch when you have roommates. There’s not even anything wrong with saying “Baby, I love you.” Well, unless it gets overdone in public or it’s being used to hit a home run with that “special” lady. PDA stirs a variety of emotions for me ranging from humor to anger,  especially when it is used as a tool to claim one’s territory. I laughed when I recently saw a guy hold his girl closer when I passed by. I originally assumed it was because of fear that I’d engage in senseless thuggery. Then, I realized it was broad day light and out of fear I’d approach and take his woman to new heights like I’m King Kong looking for that blond. (I am not referring to myself as a monkey. This is just a metaphor to induce chuckles.)

I also laugh when I see a girl sling web all over her man to ensure other females know what the deal is. Though from what I hear, a man’s stock value shoots off the chart when he’s with a woman/girl. My XY counterparts are  aware of this historical fact, and the level of whippedness for the man will determine the PDA level she displays. If he’s a cowering puppy, she will prolly just say “here boy” or “get over here” a la Scorpion from Mortal Kombat. If he’s an official grown ass man, she will probably wrap her arms around him and plant a kiss never before seen. To those who have been victims, stay up homie (pause). Hopefully you get that same level of intense affection when the lights go out.

Mutually abused PDA arouses anger. Nothing is worse than getting on a train with no ipod and hearing repeated smooches and wet-mouth, or walking down the street and seeing people pressed against a store front making out ferociously like it’s the last hoorah. Every now and then when I see this display of public love/lust, I look to the sky for an asteroid approaching earth, or I hurry to a television to see the news just in case a war head is on the way. Perhaps I should grab the nearest street vagabond and embrace, or perhaps I should just drink cyanide? Perhaps people should stop making out in the streets in broad daylight.

I know. This entry is rather dramatic. Those who regularly engage in PDA are outraged. Those who hate to witness it in excess can understand my fury. I’m not saying to disregard your significant other in public/Facebook, but there comes a point where you need to respect those around you and keep that warm fuzzy stuff behind closed doors or in the backseat of a SUV…