September 23, 2008
The Status of the Ramblings…
If you noticed, I haven’t been updating this website as regularly as I used to. At the moment, I don’t have much to say on this blog because I’m so busy creating masterpieces and responding to comments at my other website that’s taking the blogging world by storm. Please check out my collabo blog with 2 other great writers at Three Ways to Take It . I’m going to come up with a new blog posting schedule for this site. Given that I have a job, another blog, and all sorts of other life turmoil, this will probably become a twice a week site. Maybe I’ll do Tuesdays and Thursday. Not sure yet. I’m also getting into some more professional writing ventures that will start cutting into my time. In the interim, check back periodically and I’ll eventually have this sorted out.
-Slim “better than Johnson” Jackson
September 13, 2008
Slowly Gettin’ Back Into the Mix
So it’s been a week since my last entry, as I said it would be. I’ve been trying to get my regular life back, but the emotional and mental struggle remains active in mind. Despite how many smiles, handshakes, lol’s that I type in conversations, and boisterous laughter in real life that people see, I’m still struggling with the loss. There’s a white NY Yankees hat that I keep in my car near the windshield. Occasionally, I’ll be driving and looking in my rear view mirror. The first thing that I see is the NY baseball cap. When I put it there a while ago, I thought nothing of it. But now that my dad has passed, I suddenly see it all the time. Why is this important? Well, he always wore a Yankees cap. That was his team through thick and thin. Every time that I see that logo, he comes to mind. I don’t think that’s something that’s going to change for a while.
Honestly, I feel like it’s him sitting in the backseat of my car watching over me. Some people may think that’s kinda weird, but that’s the feeling that I have. I look in my rear view and sometimes I just smile at the thought. Overall, I’ve started to see a lot of the positives that have resulted from his passing away. Some of you may be wondering what’s pleasant about death, but if you understood me and predicament that I had to see him in, I’m sure you’d understand.
No more dialysis machines. No more beeping IVs. No more stale hospital smell. No more walking past people who were clearly on their way out of this world. No more watching him suffer through the pains that come with renal failure, high blood pressure, and diabetes. No more not being able to walk where he wanted. No more not being able to carry on a full conversation because the pain would surge, or because he’d forget what we were talking about in the middle of a conversation.
I’m glad that he no longer has to endure this. I’m glad that he is now walking, talking, and laughing again in a better place. I’m glad that my mom doesn’t have to take a bus an hour, then take a taxi cab to see him and make sure he is OK. I’m glad that when my mom calls me, I no longer have that anxious feeling in my stomach and in my heart. I’m glad of all this. Yet still, the pain as a result of the loss remains within me.
As time goes on, I will heal. My mother will heal. My family will heal. I’m hoping that those who have visited my blog recently and read about the tragedies of my life have learned something. When shit hits the fan, you will see who your true friends and family are. I’ve received cards, phone calls, emails, and text messages from a variety of people. it’s interesting that people I’ve never met and haven’t endured this are still willing to reach out and offer their support, while others that I have known for years do absolutely nothing. But rather than go into all the negatives that I’ve learned about people, I want to keep things positive.
As this blog goes on, my entries will return to normal. I will become the regular Slim Jackson that you all know. All I ask is that you internalize every word that type, and realize that at any moment one of the people that you love the most can be taken away from you. As with my last entry, I will not be respond to comments. Hopefully, I can make the transition back to regular entries over the next week. If not here, then check out the Three Ways to Take It blog. Thanks for the support, and I will be back to my regular blogging ways eventually.
September 6, 2008
An Entry for My Dad, Who Will Be Missed.
0n August 26, 2008 at approximately 445pm, I received a phone call from my mom telling me that my Dad had been rushed to the hospital because he hadn’t been acting like himself. On August 27, 2008 at approximately 845am, 2 days before his birthday, I received a phone call from my Mom telling me that his heart had stopped and the medical staff was working to bring him back. At approximately 1045am, I received a phone call from my Uncle and was informed that my father had passed away. Worst day of my life.
On January 2, 2001, my father had a stroke. I was at basketball practice when my girlfriend at the time rushed in and pulled me off the court to inform me of the news. She drove me to the hospital where I saw him convulsing on a hospital bed. I felt helpless. There was nothing I could do as I watched the doctors and nurses restrain him. Tears rolled down my face as I yelled for someone to help keep him calm and return him to the man that had raised me. Next thing I know, he was in a coma.
My basketball coach brought me back to see him the next day. I cried hysterically. Nobody wants to see their parent laying there in that state. It was extremely tough, but I grabbed my Dad’s hand and talked to him. I was hoping that he could hear me. Though he couldn’t respond then, I eventually found out that he could hear every word that I said.
I went off to college that year. Ever since he had that stroke, I had a feeling of nervousness and anxiety every time that my Mom called me. I’d see “private number” on my cell phone, and I’d always hoped that it wasn’t the awful news that my Dad had passed away. It’s now 2008. After years of fretting the worse, that day has finally come. My Mom has called me a few times since he died, and I haven’t had that anxiety. However, my heart just doesn’t feel the same. I’ve lost at least half of myself, from a physical, mental, and spiritual perspective. It’s a terrible feeling.
My father meant a lot to me. It’s taken a week for me to even begin drafting this blog entry. You won’t see anything from Slim Jackson on this blog for at least a week from the time I posted this. He deserves a tribute that won’t be overshadowed by my random musings and the race to become president of the United States. There are things that are more important. Family is more important. Though this entry will be long, I encourage my readers to follow it to the conclusion. Take a step back from your regular lives to internalize every word that I’ve typed. If you’ve been through this already, please understand that I share similar feelings.
Since his passing, I’ve had many moments where I struggled. There are some things that have stood out more than others. I’m going to attempt to capture each of them. This isn’t a blog where I expect comments. I just want to get a lot of stuff off my chest that I wouldn’t and cannot vocalize because of the emotion that it stirs within me.
I’m taking your suit to the cleaners.
I dry clean my suits for work on a fairly regular basis. On the day that my Dad passed, I rushed home with the same black suit that I wore to work. On August 28th, I took my wrinkled suit and my Dad’s favorite suit to the dry cleaner for the last time. As I grabbed both suits from the back of my car, it hit me that this was the last time I’d be running an errand for him. I walked across the parking lot, tears streaming down my face. My friend sat in the car and waited, while I tried to “be strong” carrying both suits to the cleaners. Once I got to the door of the shop, I had to stop. I felt weak. I was ready to crumble. I knew that people could see the man behind the sunglasses, and I simply didn’t care. There were enough tears on each side of my face to make it obvious that something had gone terribly wrong. Why now? Why him? Why my mom? Why me?
After dropping off both suits, I hurried back to my car. I was destined to get home and “be a man”. I put the car in reverse, and then put it in drive. Within a few seconds, I broke down and lost it. Real men don’t cry is bullshit. I pulled my car into a parking spot and let go of all the emotion that had bottled up inside from the time I got the news to the moment that I dropped off his dry cleaning for the last time. Again, this was a terrible feeling.
Writing is my talent. Now I do it for him.
Rappers write rhymes. Poets write poems. Authors write books.
I’ve acknowledged that I’m a strong writer. My dad always told me the same. He praised me for my ability and suggested that I eventually needed to write a book. As much as I enjoy writing and letting my creativity flourish, nothing has ever been as challenging as writing the obituary and creating the program for his funeral. To write three detailed paragraphs, it took me over 5 hours. I wanted to make sure that every word was perfect, and that I caught the sentiment of his brothers and sisters, my mom, my sister, and myself. I searched for every typo. I made sure that every word was perfectly placed. I wanted to capture every possible thing I could to ensure that those who attended the funeral got the best picture of my father that one could create with words. I’ve been complimented on what I put together. I’ve looked time and time again at the program that was printed at Kinkos in the late hours of the night. No matter how many times I review it, my heart doesn’t feel any more relieved and my mind doesn’t feel any more at ease. Yet, it is done.
He picked me up and he never put me down.
This was his quote. This is what he wanted me to call the book. He was proud of me and everything I had done. It was important to him that he and my mom had accomplished everything they had planned from my birth. They had sacrificed for me financially. They had done everything in their power to ensure that I succeeded. I got that elusive Ivy League degree. My Uncle Tony drove both of them up to my school to ensure that they got to see the fruits of their labors when I graduated. It was bittersweet. I had neglected the significance of that shiny degree on my wall until now.
It’s no secret that the economy has put a squeeze on a lot of people, including myself. Though I haven’t been poor, I’ve had many moments where I wished I had a bit more money. Moments where I said “If I hit the lotto for just x amount, my life would be so much different.” In his passing, I didn’t inherit a jackpot. My struggle is still a struggle. However, the timing of his departure couldn’t have been more in synch with my life. I hate the fact that he passed. But in the same instance, he left me a small portion to help stabilize me financially at a time where I really needed the help. Nothing grand. Nothing spectacular. Just enough for me to hear him say “I told you. I picked you up, and I’ll never put you down.” I couldn’t be more grateful.
My Mom. The Ultimate Strong Black Woman.
Since my father had a stroke, my Mom has always been there. When a lot of other people would have quit, she made the trips to the hospitals and the nursing homes to make sure that he was comfortable. Even when he was home and appeared to be headed to recovery, she continued to cook the meals, iron his clothes, and make sure that he was in good spirits overall. A lot of people would have said fuck it at this point. I’m talking about over 7 years of dedication. “Til death do us part” was not just a cliché said during wedding vows. It was reality.
My mom doesn’t drive a car. When my Dad was in a nursing home over 30 minutes away from my hometown, my Uncle Eli drove her there every week to make sure he was ok. When my Uncle wasn’t around, she took the bus to check in on him. It didn’t matter if she had to take a cab home or call someone to pick her up. She was always there. Whenever I get married, I will expect no less from my wife. My mom is the ultimate Strong Black Woman. Anybody who says differently to my face will be slapped in the face. That is written with 100% seriousness. I love my Mom for the dedication she had for my Dad, and I can only hope that I have a woman as good as her.
And it is done.
If you made it through this entry, you get my respect. There’s more to blogging than obscenities, off the cuff jokes, relationship advice, and Youtube video clips. If you haven’t lost a parent that has been critical to your upbringing, that day will come. You will hurt. If you have lost a parent or both parents, I’m sure you understand everything that I’ve presented in this entry. As I go forward, I can only hope to demonstrate the greatest traits of my father, and the endurance of my mother.
We’ve seen a lot of people pass to the next life. The news has talked about the Ray Charles, the Bernie Macs, the sportscasters, the actors, and whoever else is out there. I just wanted to take this opportunity to talk about my Dad. He’s done more for me and those in my family than any of the celebrities that have gotten coverage. I miss you Dad. I thank you for all that you’ve done to turn me into the person I am today. You will not be forgotten. I can only hope that I’ll be able to emulate your best qualities. I look forward to being reunited with you again. In the meantime, look over me. Offer me advice in whatever way you can. When I’m driving in my car without music, sitting at my work desk feeling down, or laying in bed thinking about the troughs of my life, I’m still going to look to you for advice. Just because you’re not here physically doesn’t mean I’ve forgotten you mentally or spiritually. Keep me on the right track, and I will continue to make you proud.
September 3, 2008
What is the Deal with the Hispanic Vote?
Cowboy Troy, the black country/rap vocalist, is voting for John McCain. That’s OK, since he’s not really black anyway. But I just wanted to pose a simple question…What’s the deal with a big chunk of the Hispanic vote going to the Republican Party? I’ve been trying to understand what it is about the Republican platform that sends a good portion of their vote to the dark side (The irony…and the bias). Anybody have any feedback on this? Last I checked the Hispanics and Blacks had similar plights in the US. Am I missing something? Offensive responses will not be posted. I’m genuinely curious.
August 29, 2008
When Picking a Woman Goes Wrong
Hello folks. I’ve been out the mix for a few days now for reasons I will disclose in a later entry. In an effort to regain my sanity, I’ve decided to post something. Given the political week we just had, I figured I’d take some time to not talk about Barack, but instead talk about McCain’s decision for a running mate. Barack gave an amazing speech. We all know that. No surprise. However, Gramps McCain did finally surprise me. Unfortunately, it’s not in a good way. Then again, that probably doesn’t surprise you as one of my readers.
How stupid does John McCain think women are? For that matter, how stupid does John McCain’s camp think that women are? Upon hearing his choice for a VP, I actually laughed and said something along the lines of “What the eff is this?” Does he really think that selecting Gov. Sarah Palin is suddenly going to give him all of the votes that Hillary Clinton would have gotten had she overcome Obamamania? I knew he would select somebody young that didn’t need to take a blue pill, but I’m incredibly surprised that he would select someone younger than Barack. Someone who, from what the media tells me, has absolutely no foreign policy experience. She’s a hockey mom, shoots guns, and eats moose burgers. Big effin deal. Most kids don’t even play hockey. Had they portrayed her as a soccer mom, it’d be a completely different ballgame. She could drive to all the campaign rallies in a minivan with a moose’s head on top of it. She could also get out with full hunting camouflage on. Yep, that would seal the election for MCain. Sadly to say, that would capture a lot of the redneck vote.
Gramps must really think he got the double bonus on this one. “Young woman that likes guns, violent team sports, and meat? Brilliant!” is probably what crossed his mind. Much to the dismay of many Republicans from what I’ve read so far, he took it to an extreme that will probably erupt in his face like Jake Steed. That’s way worse than egg yolk by the way. But seriously, does he really think that the majority of Hillary’s supporters are just going to roll over to his side because he selected a young “All-American” woman with a quarter of her credentials? If I were a Hillary supporter, I’d consider this a slap in the face and insult of intelligence. I’ll be humored to see how this one plays out. That road to the White House just got a lot longer for the McCain camp. Once these debates get started, Obama and Biden will probably be a slap shot away from the Presidential Cup. Go figure.
August 23, 2008
Good Choice Barack. Good Choice.
OK. I lied. I said I wouldn’t post anything this weekend. But Barack finally picked his running mate, and the McCain campaign is already poking holes. Obama has selected the 65 year old Sen. Joe Biden of Delaware. Take that Grandpa McCain! And the man has extensive international policy experience! So much for career political experience and foreign policy as an advantage for Gramps. Even I can admit that Barack probably needed an old white guy more than Hilary Clinton as a running mate. Though she carried a large portion of the woman vote and the white working class during the primary, I just don’t see how those 2 would have cooperated on the same running ticket. It’s like putting 2 excellent players that were bitter rivals that play the same position on the same sports team. It just doesn’t work. And no John, having the support of a popular musician will not increase your odds of winning. You’re already being sued by Jackson Browne. But speaking of strategy…
McCain’s campaign staff has pointed at the fact that Sen. Biden was one of the biggest critics of Barack Obama during the primary. Biden spoke about Barack’s lack of overall experience and also called him a “storybook” man for being an Articulate African American that has garnered national support. This somehow makes him a bad choice for a VP. In my opinion, it’s a great decision (until some scandal comes out that says otherwise). The whole point is to bring a different perspective to the campaign and help compensate for any weaknesses in the Presidential candidate. I think the fact that Biden has criticized Obama is a good thing. Group think is a bad thing. Having a ‘Yes Man” VP is more devastating to the country than someone who can challenge the President and his ideas, which could bring thoughts to mind that someone like Barack honestly wouldn’t have considered. I think the McCain campaign has faltered again with trying to spin a positive into a negative. We all know how much that “Barack is too cool for presidency” ploy played out…
The only thing Barack appears to be too cool for is grocery stores. He’d rather be speaking in front of thousands than looking at lettuce.
August 22, 2008
It’s the Weekend. Praise Be to the Big Man Upstairs!
Honestly folks, I’m tired. I’ve been working somewhat hard at work, and even harder to keep up this blog and the new blog over at Three Ways to Take It. If you like what you see on this site, then make sure you check out the one I just linked you too. In just over 2 weeks we’ve had more than 800 visitors there, with many returning on a regular basis as we get better and better. We just went through a series of entries called “The Double Standard of Men and Women”. It’s getting pretty serious on the blogging front and I need to run a few errands this weekend for my non-internet life. I’ll be back here and on Three Ways to Take it on Monday. In the meantime, have a great weekend. I will be responding to and approving comments. So if you do have something to say, please say it. We/I need comments from people. It’s what keeps things interesting. I’m out. Peace.
Slim
October 3, 2008
Palin Is Ready for the White House! Yes!
Posted in Politicking tagged biden, cnn, commentary, mccain, obama, palin, politics at 9:07 am by slimjackson
From Cnn.com:
It was also the consensus that Biden won the debate overall. After sitting there for an hour and a half listening to every word, I’d have to agree. I think I saw white/gender privilege rear it’s ugly head. I was talking with Seattle about Palin’s usage of words like “darn” and other colloquial terms as well as winking to the audience. Our first thought was “If Barack did any of that while debating with McCain, it’d be a wrap for him. Game, set, match. Victory for the elephant party. I was annoyed. I feel like she’d make a great character in a Disney movie called Hockey Mom goes to the White House.
Now I’m not saying Biden was perfect up there either. He did at times seem more like a traditional politician. He did stumble over words (as did Palin). He even lost me for a second when he went into his legislative upspeak. Nonetheless, he got the job done. Palin got the job done as well. She helped her credibility, but I don’t think she did anything to really help John McCain’s chances of winning the election. But let’s talk about how she exceeded expectations for a bit.
84 percent of people polled said that she exceeded their expectations.
That’s not an accomplishment. That’s a problem. When people expect you to perform that poorly, it means they have little faith in you. I don’t think I want someone who people have little faith in as the next in line for President should McCain kick the bucket. The other thing is that if expectations were that low, she really didn’t have to do all that much to exceed people’s expectations in the first place. Let’s be real, she outright told the moderator she wasn’t gonna answer a couple questions directly and went into her pre-planned and scripted banter. She’s fighting to establish credibility and acknowledges she’s only been on the campaign trail for 5 weeks. I’ve seen people protest Barack saying that the presidency is not an internship. Well, neither is the vice presidency. If I recall, she didn’t even know what the VP did before she hopped on the piece republican ticket.
Let me reiterate. It’s a problem that republicans are “re-energized” and people are shifting their votes because she performed better than expected last night. That’s like saying if an uncoordinated HS freshman tries out for the basketball team and makes a free throw, that he’s ready to be on the varsity team. Eff outta here with that sh*t.
The End.
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